I’ve battled with what’s “feminine” since I was in the 2nd grade. Being told that my courage to speak up wasn’t ladylike. Fast foreword to my early start in Corporate America, being told, while crushing (yes, crushing) my numbers that I should soften up and work on being more feminine.

As if I didn’t have enough to worry about, work on being more feminine? More feminine for whom? What does that even mean? I have a vagina, isn’t that feminine enough?

For the sake of being told to do this my entire life, even while succeeding at <insert anything I’ve ever tried here> , I made the mistake of thinking that maybe they were right. Perhaps my adolescence on the basketball court and coming of age in the boys club robbed me of some finesse. So, I tried to change myself, to be more “feminine”.

I started by adjusting my wardrobe. No, I did not dress like a man.  Adjusting meant taking myself from my preferred clean lines, bright colors & high pumps to lace, pastels and ballerina flats.

Ok, I look ‘softer’,  now on to my sailor’s tongue. I replaced my ‘shits’ and ‘fucks’ with ‘shoots’ and ‘fudgernickels’.

I’m pretty sure I sounded like a fucking idiot.

One final piece to becoming more ‘crème de la fem’,  speaking up less, because when you speak up you are being aggressive without even realizing it. No one likes a woman like that! [Read: Sarcasm]

Voila! I MADE myself more feminine.  Made as in forced. Forced as in fake.

While I didn’t miss my number, I didn’t crush that quarter. I didn’t transform into this bubbly vessel of sparkle and love. Instead, I became a bitter bitch who loathed herself.

Did I hate this kind of feminine? No, I hated not being myself.

Lesson learned. ‘Be yourself, everyone else is taken.’ Thanks, Oscar Wilde. I should have listened the first time.

I can’t tell you what femininity is because I still don’t know what that would mean to an audience, but I can tell you what it’s not.

It’s NOT telling another woman what she does naturally, masculine to you or whomever, that she isn’t being her true feminine self.

Personally, I find every kind of woman to be feminine so long as she is in her stride.

By the way, there is absolutely nothing more powerful and bad ass than a woman in her stride.

If there is even one young woman at the point of her life where I was at 24, kicking ass and taking names but still being told that her way, while successful, isn’t ‘right’ by her gender, to read this and say ‘fuck ‘em’.

If I had to define off the cuff  “5 Signs You Are You A Feminine Alpha?” they would be these:

1. Do you take care of yourself? Do you respect your body and mental health, taking measures to maintain a peak state of wellbeing?
2. Do you accept and build up women who are different than you? Do you celebrate another strong woman or quickly look for her Achilles heel?
3. Do you compete with yourself rather than with others, understanding that there will always be someone smarter, hotter, and richer with a better rack? In other words,  are you chasing a fantasy of what you think someone else’s version of best is or are you focused on YOUR best?
4. Amidst all this thinking of the self and ego [which is healthy to any successful personality], do you take appropriate time-outs to connect, and nurture relationships with your friends and family?
5. Lastly, do you like yourself? Are you working on finding your stride or better yet, hit that swagger with a milkshake that brings all the boys to the yard?

If you mentally, ‘checked’ these quick pointsm you are [IMO] a ‘Feminine Alpha’. In fact, you are more than that; you are a beautiful embodiment of all things female, to the self and to the world. Notice, I didn’t use specific definitions but general guides of self-awareness and progress.

You know what other important goal is of this post? I’m gunna tell ya…

I want women to stop comparing ‘cup sizes’ and just start celebrating that we all have boobs. They are awesome, and we got them, we win.  Boobs win.

(There are a lot of deep thoughts in what I just said about tatas. Think about it.)

Girl, you be killin ‘em.
You are fucking awesome.
Keep that shit up.
Or don’t, you can just ‘Keep it up’ if you prefer to drop the curse word. It’s all the same to me.

Trust your gut,
xoM